Yeah, yeah. I know I promised a blog yesterday but... o well, a lot things, happened yesterday and I needed a little time to think for myself and the situation. And I guess that I may not be the same person afterwards. I just hope that what happened will turn me into a better person.

Last tuesday [April 2, 2002], I came across this blog from katrina. Here was the entry:

"It cannot have escaped your notice that for some time past, the friendship I have had in my heart for you has ripened into a deeper feeling, a feeling more beautiful, more pure, more sacred. Dare I name it to you? Ah! It is love which makes me so bold"

/Gone with the Wind, Rhett Butler/

Oh, all right. Most people seem to believe that a platonic relationship between a male and a female is possible. There are a handful of living proofs, I’m sure, but I also think that at one point in time, one of them was actually attracted to the other. I’m sure that at one time or another of their seemingly platonic relationship, one of the two felt something beyond friendship, as it is human nature to be attracted to the opposite gender. He or she who found himself or herself falling probably felt and knew, being one who is rational, that friendship, and not love, is the better relationship. I’m not implying real, true love, but the idea of being IN love. I don’t suppose the thought of being more than friends was unappealing to either. -- katrina.imess.net

Straight to the point: I had already fallen deeply for a very dear friend. Deeper than what he knows, since he was the first to admit that he, too had fallen for me. Right then and there, I admitted that yeah, I was falling too. That happened exactly a year and four months plus 3 days ago. But being the goody-two shoes person that we both are, we decided against being involved in a relationship and just stick with a sort of 'platonic' bestfriend relationship but with plans of having a relationship in the future. Not just yet.

So, over the course of time, I found myself being driven with those 'future plans'. Then the inevitable happened. I don't know when it all started but we started having misunderstandings over the most seemingly trivial things. I don't want to get into any particulars, not yet, but let's just say that yesterday, those plans were 'ended'. Yeah, we're still the best of friends, as close as best friends can be, but...

We've talked about it. He knows I'll make it. I hope I'll make it.

It was not really a lost for both of us, There was never an 'us' on the relationship side. Sure, we may have lost something but there was also a gain. I have yet to see that gain.